Sometimes it’s just sooooo SCARY!

For those of you not from Delaware and wondering how to solve all of the world’s problems, just go to the food court located inside the Concord Mall—motto: “No Sales Tax!” From I-95, go north on route 202; it’s about a mile south of the Pennsylvania state line.

Now, this is not a huge shopping mall—well, for Delaware it is! But friends of mine from Bloomington, Minnesota constantly tell me that the entire State of Delaware would easily fit inside of THEIR beloved Mall of America.

I’ve never been to that mall, so I’ll just have to take their word for it; I’m sure it’s a sight to behold. Nevertheless, I’m convinced that Delaware’s own Concord Mall is the primary headquarters for a problem solving organization named ROAR: Righteously Oblivious About Reality.

It seems that these folks meet weekly in the food court outside of Boscov’s. I’m not sure of the group’s full membership number, but from what I’ve observed over the past 6-months, it ranges from three to nine within an age range of about the mid-40s to late-60s.

They’re mostly baseball cap-wearing males and always the same ones. I’ve observed only three females—again always the same ones and, other than an occasional nod of agreement, they mostly just listen to the men.

They discuss a huge gamut of this country’s problems, from how the Liberals are ruining the country to gun control—they seem to want the NRA’s Wayne LaPierre to run for President—to God’s displeasure over removing prayer from our public schools to nuking Iraq, Afghanistan, and Iran.

Please understand that these people are not loudly obnoxious. They’re softly discussing things—and in their collective opinion, rationally as well—while enjoying their beverages and snacks of choice.

I always make it a point to sit close enough to hear what they’re saying. It’s interesting to say the least. And thanks to a fantastic smartphone APP called Evernote, I can easily take notes.

Last Wednesday’s topic was a gem. Seven members of the group had pulled (2) four-seater tables together. Oh, WHAT I learned!

Um, did any of YOU readers have the slightest clue that God’s been using global warming to send asteroids hurling towards Earth as punishment for the United States wandering too far from the “under God” part of our Pledge of Allegiance?

Well according to ROAR, He’s doing it. And if we want it to cease, we had better stop with all this nonsense about same-sex marriage, get prayer back into public schools, eradicate atheism, and start acting like Christians.

Well, I don’t know anything about God’s wrath, but I know a lot about the laws of physics, including global warming AND asteroids. And while I’ve written about global warming many times, I’ll restrict my comments this week to asteroids zooming towards Earth.

Contrary to their depiction in the plethora of doomsday movies, unlike planets, asteroids are rarely, if ever, round. Whenever one turns out to be sort of roundish, it’s by mere coincidence.

This isn’t because astrophysicists have studied a large enough sample size to confirm it statistically; it’s because of the basic laws of physics.

Planets undergo natural isostatic adjustment due to the relative strength of their gravitational fields, which originate from their planetary centers. That gravitational attraction pulls everything on any given planet towards its center.

It’s why everyone, no matter where they live on the planet, feels the sensation of standing on TOP of the world and why we humans think in directional terms of UP or DOWN.

And the only way for a planet to PULL its body of mass as close to its center as physically possible, in all directions simultaneously, is for it to form into a sphere—never perfectly round, but close enough for government work.

Asteroids, as well, have gravitational fields that also pull their surrounding mass towards their centers simultaneously, but the gravitational pull is too weak to overcome an asteroid’s mechanical strength—even the largest of them. So they don’t form into spheres; they remain fragmentary and irregular in shape.

Science fiction writers know that pure science makes for absolutely terrible movie plot lines. And even though REAL science can be far scarier than the made-up stuff, reality can be mind-numbingly BORING.

Conversely, stories that contain no more than about 15% science and 85% fiction can be made as scary as the human psychic can imagine, thus drawing viewers in hordes, MANY of whom elevate the believability of those plot lines to the status BIBLICAL revelation.

Many of them belong to ROAR, and I suspect that the group that meets at the Concord Mall is just one of the organization’s smaller chapters. It makes for some scary thoughts as to what’s happening at the Mall of America!

Now, I have no idea if there’s a God connection in anything relative to the Cosmos, but I can prove, as scientific fact, that global warming has nothing to do with our recent brushes with close-to-Earth asteroids. Global warming ISN’T causing them!

They’ve been colliding with Earth since it first formed some 4.54-BILLION years ago; they’re nothing new. And they’re not going to stop doing it no matter how many times a week we go to church or how fervently we pray.

What is NEW to Earth’s evolutionary time-span, however, is the existence of the human race. We’ve only come onto the set a relatively short cosmic blink ago.

Let me once again scale Earth’s evolutionary timeline to a single, 365-day year. As such, asteroids will have been slamming into this planet over the entire 365-days, LONG before humans evolved.

From the onset of our arrival (about 2,000,000 years ago), we will have been around about 3.8-DAYS. And in our modern form (a mere 200,000 years ago), we will have been around a mere 23-MINUTES.

And from the start of Earth’s global industrial revolutions (about 300-years ago), when we humans began coming into our own relative to our global trouble-making potential, we’ve been around a paltry 2-SECONDS.

Within the world of science, scientists are just as susceptible to the allure of intuitive LOGIC as the rest of the world is, and we hate it with a passion whenever it gets smashed to smithereens by counter-intuitive REALITY!

But as much as we HATE to admit it, we DO admit it: We don’t know JACK about a lot of stuff.

Even when we THINK we’re SURE, we stumble onto other stuff that we didn’t even know existed! So, the most that we can say for SURE about what we “know,” is that we “BELIEVE” a lot of stuff about many things, some of which have turned out to be factual.

But uncertainty is not a foregone death-knell for the human race as long as it keeps us humbly cautious. Certainty, however, is another matter, and it’s dangerous.

But absolute certainty is life-threatening because it’s brazenly egotistical. It’s the ABSOLUTE CERTAINTY with which hordes of the clueless believe the bullshit that will eventually annihilate us as a species.

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