In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with Microsoft, and the Word was Bill Gates. He was with God in the beginning. Through Him all things digital were made; without Him nothing was made that has been made, other than some stuff from Apple. In Him was digital life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness had not overcome it.
Well, until now, that is. I’ve been a LOYAL Microsoft-based PC user since Jesus was a cadet—well, it’s actually only been 28-years. But, you get the point! Until Friday evening a week ago, I considered it a technological sacrilege to LOOK at, let alone think about BUYING, an Apple product.
Yes, I’m but a mere mortal: frail, sin-prone, and unworthy. Impure thoughts have plagued me for years; I’ve often lusted in my heart, just like former President, Jimmy Carter (Although, I’ve never been attacked by a giant rabbit).
But, I’ve always been able to overcome the darkness by praying; “I believe in Bill Gates, the Father Almighty, Creator of Microsoft on Earth.” Oh, WHY did Thou forsake me? I have sinned… BIG TIME!
I took the APPLE. And, YES, I fully realize that this admission is likely to set my canonization back centuries, if not cancel it altogether. But, that Apple’s name was Temptress incarnate. And, FINALLY, I understand why Adam was defenseless against Eve!
But, I’ll get back to this in a few minutes. First, however, let me tell you about an incident that happened while I was at Best Buy wallowing in such wages of technological sin and temptation.
Medical science has defined brain death as a consistently flat EEG. Medical doctors and other authorized medical personnel issue death certificates based on this. While I’m no MD, I think they should reconsider this position.
Just because there is no apparent brain wave activity, does not necessarily mean death. Millions of people go on to pester the hell out of us long after their brains have ceased functioning. Congress and reality TV are but two primary examples.
Space does not permit me to show you all of my research. However, living proof smacked me between the eyes on the evening of October 28, 2011 as I was paying for my purchase.
An IRATE customer—she looked to be in her 40s—was ripping into a young customer service employee, accusing her of “ripping-off” her daughter a few hours earlier. Her daughter had purchased a Kindle ereader (Kindle Keyboard 3G model). Best Buy’s price was $139.99.
However, she had a discount card that granted her a 5% discount, which the store had given her. The receipt showed the transaction clearly: a discount of $7.00 (actually $6.9995 rounded up to the next dollar).
But mom was unhappy and kept trying to explain (LOUDLY) to the calm-mannered service rep that, “.5 times $139.99 came to $70!” The service rep agreed; but explained THREE times that “.5 was 50%, not 5%.” Mom, however, just stood there looking puzzled.
Finally, the service rep told her to look at it another way. “Is 5% of one dollar equal to 5-cents or 50-cents? At this, mom crumbled the receipt in her hand and stormed out of the store mumbling something that sounded like “buckin’ idiot!”
Brain death! And, I swear that I could hear my 5th grade teacher, a nun—one of the meanest women ever to grace the Sisters of Perpetual Pain—sobbing as she turned over in her grave.
OK, back to MY sacrilege! Bless me Father for, YES, I have sinned. In my frail, weak, unworthy human condition, I gave in to the overwhelming power of some very lustful impure technological thoughts.
Not only did I purchase a 64 gigabyte, wifi PLUS 3G iPad2 (the Cadillac of iPads), I want MORE! I’m going back in a week or so to purchase a Mac laptop.
In fact, I would have bought it at the same time as the iPad. The only thing that stopped me was that I’m in the middle of two research projects, and I just can’t take the time to switch over right now.
Yes, all you Microsoft fanatics out there, I know I’m wallowing in unbridled technological lust. Surely, I’m hell-bound. But, Eve’s a looker and I don’t care. Free at last! Free at last! And it feels soooooooo GOOD!
This iPad2 is powerful enough for 99% of the tasks I do on a computer. I need something more powerful (storage-wise and RAM-wise) for the type of research I do. But I’ll use the laptop for this.
But, for my writing, the iPad2 is fine. And, the unit takes up about ONE-TENTH of the space as my Dell laptop did. I can use it ANYWHERE! It’s all touch-screen. Its resolution is far better than any Windows laptop I’ve ever used.
Also, since my HP printer is iPad compatible, it was a cinch for me to tether it wirelessly to the iPad.
I not only typed and posted this article using the iPad and a Bluetooth connected real keyboard, I used an APP from the APP store called PAGES that cost me $9.99. It’s an Apple word processor derivative.
Not only does it have its own spell-check, it possesses the same tools I’ve been using for years in Microsoft Word. A typical MSWord user employs about 15% of the functions available.
Let’s see, MSWord costs about $150 and I’ve never used more than 15% of its power. Apple’s Pages costs $9.99 and I’m using, so far, about 98% of its power. It’s a NO brainer!
Apple puts out two iPads: Verizon and AT&T. The difference has nothing to do with cellular connections. The AT&T model uses an internal sim chip that can be unlocked for use outside the USA. The Verizon model does not and, as I understand it, is useless outside the country.
Although you don’t need to purchase a data plan if you have access to a decent wifi network, I went with the 3G model, but purchased the Verizon Hot Spot data plan instead of AT&T’s plan.
AT&T charges $25 a month for 2-gigabytes of data transfer. Verizon charges $50 a month for 5-gigabytes. I sampled both services. AT&T’s 3G service is like molasses going uphill in mid-winter compared to Verizon’s 4G… even Verizon’s 3G is much faster than AT&T’s is.
And, once I purchase the Mac laptop, I can tether it, along with the iPad and printer to my Verizon Hot Spot data wireless network—the plan permits five devices connected. No more Comcast high-speed monthly connection charges! EVE, thy name is temptress!
Finally, Blogharbor is going to begin transferring this BLOG to its new host, Pressharbor (same company but using Word Press). There may be some service interruptions over the next week or so, but all will be back to normal shortly thereafter. Bear with me.
Joe Walther is a freelance writer and publisher of The True Facts. You may comment on his column by clicking here.